2 Apr 2014

There's no home for you here girl, go away



I'm sitting is some completely unrecognisable office cafeteria, in the table next to me someone is pronouncing the names of European cities in a disgustingly Finnish way, the kitchen reminds me of an old school cafeteria. 

Finland and the spirit of it is Nokia proudness, bad postures, lifeless lights, juice concentrate, goatees, grey discreet metal eyeglasses, grated carrots, leafless trees in the ruthless and ugly spring light, gravel everywhere, foldaway furniture. A bold risk-taker might wear a yellow blazer to the office, but won't let out a loud laughter. The complete opposite of all this is what the word 'bohemian' describes. The blue-purple non-color of the collared shirts narrates an aesthetic and a lifestyle of simplicity, hygiene, undressed from ornaments. The ghost-like grumpy faces I see this morning are either too reticent to take a stand, or complete killjoys. Rye bread crumbs on the table tell about some 

kind of cohesion.

This morning someone on the radio said that Finnish people are one of the most satisfied populations, and frankly, I think that's propaganda bullshit. Is all that a lie, so the sensitive and cagey wouldn't get too upset? First of all, Finland holds a statistic of most murders in western Europe. Most suicides in northern Europe. Rape statistics are high as well. Most guns after USA and Yemen, Yemen is in a war state. Alcohol is the main reason for deaths among men. So either you kill yourself, alcohol kills you, or someone else kills you. Finland falls silent about mental health issues, the news always tell a new story about a jealous partner choosing murder over dealing with it, feelings aren't a subject one is allowed to talk about. Nobody ever fucking dares to do anything. BOHEMIAN is the opposite of ALL THIS. The definition of 'artist's life' is seen in the beer romanticising skateboarding rats, whose good heart should not be blamed. The 'artist's life' is McDonalds after a long night, cheap beer.

All the evil that grows in the bottom of the stomach of this country could in no possible way raise the living standards to anything moderately satisfied.


  1. It's funny how you see Finland as the epitome of all things bad when you moved to a conservative, classist and incredibly backwards country like UK. Oh it isn't just that?

    I wrote a paragraph about the optimism and the state of mind people have even in the worst of living conditions and about how grateful I am I do not suffer from those conditions because I by random and by privilege, and not by right or because I deserve it, live in Finland which provides me with the possibilities I have in my life. I don't complain about not having a narrow idea of what it means to live a creative life, I don't complain about people not wearing rainbow colored jackets, I do not complain that not everyone shares the same ideals I do, about how they should live their mundane little lives, I do not complain about the stale beer or that the nights of Helsinki might not resemble the vague definition of bohemian. I aspire to change whatever injustice I see in the society I live in, I aspire to make my life into something amazing, I aspire to act and look like I want to, and above all I aspire to appreciate the people who may not see the world the way I do.
    If you think it's the other people here who have a dull take on life (because what? bread crumbs? or there are no leaves in trees? It's fucking April!), read your post again.

    Well that was a paragraph after all.

    1. There are great values I have been brought up with, there's many influences from Finland in my life. My text is a diary entry, it's about how I felt at that moment right there, and I happened to look at what was making me anxious - I don't always have to explain or bring in another view.

      I acknowledge my privileges. But it's not like science has found the least privileged and angriest and saddest person in the world and now nobody else gets to have sad times or be angry at something.

      And I am not outrageosly angry either. I wrote about what I saw around myself.

      What I find disgusting in FInland, reflects me. It reflects my escape and what I don't want to identify with, even though it may be a part of me.

      Rye bread crumbs, because rye bread brings finnish people together as they love it - I was happy to see them on the table.

      No leaves in the trees as a visual metaphor that reflected how I felt about the place. Colorless and leafless.

      I never really said Finland is the epitome of everything bad, this is your take on my text. The living standards are from across the whole country - I grew up in Helsinki, the capital, and it's damn nice there.

      I think the do what you love - love what you do - battle is way too simple for this. What bothers me the most is the reticient culture, where I personally felt trapped, I felt like I just couldn't be myself. Obviously I could have, but London has also made it faster and easier for me to find out what I like. Still, there's an amount of staring and uncomfortable moments that I can take in a day. Where I want to be theatrical, glow bliss and be intensive, I didn't feel like there was a place where I could freely express myself like that.

    2. Your surroundings can either make life easier or more complicated. I hope that you could also see that I am happy in here now, and for everyone else who makes the choice to move away, for everyone else who finds a better life somewhere else, be happy for them, even if they chose against what you love. x

  2. As a British citizen who has spent time in Finland, this blog post reeks of self-importance and pretentious snobbery. I'm sorry Finland isn't 'bohemian' enough for you, but you honestly don't know how good you have it. Finland is a country with problems, alchoholism and violence being two of them. But let me drop some more statistics for you: best education system in the world, highest level of civil liberties and political rights in the world, and one of the most egalitarian and civilised countries that I have personally visited. Maybe you actually should spend some time in Yemen - or better yet, spend some time in a less 'bohemian' area of London. I'm sure you'll realize that your problems are much less significant than you think.

    1. What I focus on is something completely different and yes, self-important I guess, I take my existence seriously. Everything I say is the becoming of my life, and it definitely would be different if I had lived somewhere where they have it worse considering politics and human rights etc. But what I focus on, is social culture. Read the comment above as well, maybe that'll answer something.

      I'm not comfortable with how little talking there is, how people don't smile that often, how people don't approach strangers that often, or don't dare to when they're sober. And I don't mean everyone should take this as a moral choice and follow me - there are introverts just as there are extroverts, and it's all good.

      But just walking down the street in London is so much different from walking down the street in Helsinki, and I'm not even taking rest of Finland where I have visited in here.. In London I see more people, more smiles, more loud laughter, more expression of restlessness right there in the street, nobody is going to stare if you let out a howl or a laughter. In Finland I feel uncomfortable for just being stared at, for the neighbors that never say hello, for the attitude that anything you do for yourself is somehow selfish and being proud of yourself is bragging.

  3. I'm surprised at the extremely negative tone of both of the anonymous posters (or is it the same dull witted fellow twice?) Good God! Weren't you ever twenty?

    Meri - please write more, and let's see some more photographs. What are you working on now? Have you gotten many 'selfies?'

    1. I'm not sure if the selfie-project is going anywhere at the moment because I didn't get many entries. At least not exactly what I am looking for, but maybe I was trying to shoot too far.

      My life has been a bit strange, it's been a rollercoaster but at the same time I feel like nothing is moving forward. Time is a weird consept. I'll tell you later, when I feel better.

      I'm working on getting myself together most of the time.

  4. hi there. i just stared to make up and i dig your style. i want to find the best lips sticks -- plum-coloured -- and so on. could you recommend me what labels you use, and what techniques with eyelines and eyebrows!
    have an adventurous weekend, and watch a movie called harold and maude ( if haven't watched yet, i loved it deeply)

    1. Go on youtube and see Ame Rose's make-up videos, she did a series of videos that go through all the very basics of make-up instead of crazy lime colored peacock eyes, if that's what you need.

      With plum lips, the best way is to use either a matte lipstick or just a lipliner. I prefer lipliners over lipsticks anyways, they stay on for longer, they're more precise, they last for longer, they don't mess everything as easily as wetter lipstick does. What I do is I get my lipliner in plum, sometimes I prime my lips but most of the time I don't, and I just put it all over my lips, sometimes I put it on many times so that I get a darker, more intense color. If I'm going to an event, I might put a light coat of powder on my lips and then another layer of lipliner, so that it stays on forever. Then I just avoid having food all over my face and making out like I was a crazy teenager, but sometimes it's worth messing up your doll lips.

      With eyeliner you could just google eyeliner tutorials or something, I've done it for years so I basically just practiced A LOT.

      I do pretty basic stuff with my eyebrows as well, everything depends on how it fits my face that day. I do the outlines of my brows with a brow pen, then fill it in, then smoothen it with a small brush, and wipe away a bit from the centre ends so that my face looks approachable, otherwise it gives me an angry look, but everyone has a different face!

      I'll let you know when I've watched Harold and Maude. xx

  5. Tätä keskustelua olen käynyt usein katsomassa ja vieläkin se saa minut miettimään paljon asioita elämästä, (todella hienoa että osaat/uskallat kirjoittaa blogiisi näin). Toivoisin myös että kirjoittaisit useamminkin.

    Aluksi tuli oikeastaan tästä kirjoituksesta samanlainen fiilis kun parilla edellisellä vastaajalla, mutta sitten sitä alkoi miettimään että tämähän on sinun näkemyksesi ja miltä sinusta tuntui silloin ja se on täysin oikeutettua. Ihmiset saavat olla erimieltä ja nähdä aisiat omalla tavallaan. Sehän olisi ahdasmielistä ja jopa rasistista jos ei saisi olla ja tähän maailmaan kuuluu paljon erillaisia ihmisiä ja se on vaan hyvä aisia.

    On hienoa että olet löytänyt paikan jossa sinun on hyvä olla ja sinulla on ihmisiä ympärillä joiden kanssa on hyvä olla ja oppia ja kasvaa, itselläni ne löytyvät täältä Suomesta. Vaikka Suomessa on paljon hyviä asioita on myös huonoja ja niissä toivottavasti päästäisiin eteenpäin, mutta onneksi on ne pienet kun isotkin asiat mitkä tekevät minut onnelliseksi ja sehän on tärkeintä. Paljon on kyllä vielä nähtävää ja koettavaa maailmalla.

    No mutta tosiaan tämä kirjoittaminen ei ole minun juttuni, joten jatka sinä sitä. Toivoisin näin kovasti!
    Olet todellakin inspiroiva nainen <3

    1. Se tulee luonnollisesti. Kopioin päiväkirjamerkintöjä.. Uskallus on jotenkin tosi epämääräinen ja hämärä asia, josta en saa otetta. Uskalluksella on niin vähän merkitystä netissä, kun postaaminen tapahtuu klikkailemalla, eikä oikeassa elämässä, kun ihmiset ympärillä tuomitsee tunteellista kehonkieltä ja ennen kuin suu aukeaa.

      Blogi on yksin kirjoitettua materiaalia, jota en oo osoittanut kellekkään. Jos joku haluaa lukea ja saa siitä jotain irti, tosi jees! Jos ei, ei se mitään!

      Uskon, että kaikkien suomalaisten ajatukset suomesta muuttuvat ajan kanssa. Joinain päivinä sitä rakastaa, joinain päivinä sitä vihaa.

      Kiitos todella paljon kauniista sanoista. :')

      Kirjotan ehdottomasti lisää! <3

  6. Huhhuh... Nyt oli aikamoinen pommi.
    Olet 20-vuotias suomalainen nuori nainen, joka vaikuttaa pahasti siltä ettei ole tehnyt päivääkään oikeita töitä. Tapa millä sä näät ja tunnet tän meidän suomalaisen kulttuurin ympärilläs on tosi asenteellista. Susta ja sun teksteistä huokuu se tavallinen "häpeän maatani, koska olen erityinen ja poikkean massasta". Mitä, jos päästäisit ittestäs irti hetkeks. Olisit vaan ihan tavallinen Meri. Ei mitään extraa ympärillä. Ehkä sitten sä näkisit ne kultareunukset jotka tää kulttuuri tarjoaa ja mahdollistaa.

    1. Olen 20-vuotias suomalainen nuori nainen. Määrittele mulle mitä "oikeat työt" on sun mielestä, ja minkä takia on olemassa "oikeita" ja kenties, termin olemassaolon ehdoksi, "vääriä" töitä, ja mitä nää väärät työt on?

      Mulla on oma, henkilökohtainen historia tässä maassa, niinkuin on jokaisella muullakin, jotka täällä kasvaa. Kaikki kokee elämänsä eri tavoin, ja on mahdotonta yrittää löytää aukotonta samankaltaisuutta näkemyksissä.

      Mä ainoastaan katson ympärilleni, ja yritän tehdä selkoa siitä, mitä koen. Kirjotan paljon Lontoon ja Suomen (suurimmaks osaks Helsingin) eroista, koska ne on mun elämässä niin selkeitä ja monet kysymykset jotka nousee tästä muutosta on edelleen vastaamatta.

      En häpeä kulttuuria, koska voin valita, mitkä osat siitä annan vaikuttaa itseeni. Kummaksun sitä vahvasti, häpeä veisi multa turhaan energiaa. Olenko erityinen? Uskon tasa-arvoisuuteen kaikkien meidän kesken, mutta se ei meinaa ettenkö olisi individualisti. Poikkeanko massasta? Kenties. Määrittele normaali, ja huomaat että kaikkien elämä on kompleksia ja monimuotoista, ja kaikilla on omat sosiaaliset kuvionsa, rutiininsa, ongelmansa, visionsa, tavat tutkia maailmaa.

      Mitä yrität sanoa, että päästäisin irti itsestäni ja olisin tavallinen Meri? Tällainen mä olen, ja olen tosi sinut itseni kanssa. Ilmaisen itseäni näin, kirjoitan näin. Se ei ehkä ole täydellistä, mutta se on rehellistä. En ymmärrä, mikä olisi 'riisuttu' versio kenestäkään, miksi antaa pois omia piirteitään, tapojaan, luonnettaan?

      Suomessa on myös paljon hyvää.
      Kyseessä on päiväkirjamerkintä jossa on paljon tunteita pinnassa, ei tieteellinen tiedote.